So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
zippers are such a cool invention
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
