Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
