I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
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so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
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I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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