Just cropdusted the office
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
he laminated a picture of his dick.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
So much rum. So many feels.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
