we're chasing vodka with high fives
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
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I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
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pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
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