This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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