her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
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