Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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