Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
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