I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
BRING THE BAGELS
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
