so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Randomize