can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I just gargled with NyQuil
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
