That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
