6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
