She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
