oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Define "chronic" masturbator.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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