then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
