I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
