lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
i dont even know how to be here
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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