I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
