Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize