I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
