**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Randomize
