when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
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