you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
