Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
