In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
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