we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
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