I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
