I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
tonight lets celebrate not being married
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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