I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
thus making me awesome and them whores
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
