I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Is it because I queefed?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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