Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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