umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
