1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
we made out on top of his cat.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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