In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
