6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
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It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
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So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.