The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
Me, myself and I
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.