I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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