I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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