goodnight i made you a song goodbye
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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