we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
