I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I'm like, not good at living.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
