Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
