Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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