Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
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