Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
