I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Randomize