Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
