bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
