Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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