Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
