3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Randomize
