I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
