Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
