The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
