I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
