I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?