Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
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i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
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We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day