hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
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btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
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Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity