as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.