what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
