note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.