If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
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Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
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I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life