He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
