i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
its liver damage thursday
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
